Cyberbullying: What Parents Need to Know and How to Help

What Is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is the use of digital technology, including social media, messaging apps, gaming platforms, and other online spaces, to deliberately and repeatedly harm, harass, threaten, humiliate, or exclude another person. It can involve sending cruel or threatening messages, spreading rumours online, sharing humiliating images or videos, impersonating someone online, deliberately excluding a person from online social groups, or coordinating others to target an individual.

Cyberbullying is not simply rude or unkind behaviour online, which is extremely common and worth addressing but is not the same thing. The distinguishing features of cyberbullying are that it is deliberate, it is repeated, and there is an imbalance of power between the person doing the bullying and the person being targeted.

How Cyberbullying Differs from Traditional Bullying

While traditional bullying and cyberbullying share the same core dynamics of power imbalance and deliberate harm, cyberbullying has features that make it particularly damaging in some respects:

• No safe space: Traditional bullying typically ends when a child leaves school. Cyberbullying follows the child home, into their bedroom, and is accessible at any hour of the day or night. There is no guaranteed escape from it.
• Audience scale: Online content can be shared instantly to very large numbers of people. Humiliating content that would once have been seen by a classroom can now be seen by hundreds or thousands, significantly amplifying the harm.
• Permanence: Digital content can persist even after it is removed from one platform, because it may have been screenshotted, shared, or reposted elsewhere. The feeling that something humiliating will exist forever is particularly distressing for young people.
• Anonymity: Some cyberbullying is carried out anonymously or through fake accounts, which can intensify the victim's distress and make addressing the behaviour more difficult.
• Bystander passivity: Online bystanders are less likely to intervene than those in face-to-face settings, partly because the social cues that trigger empathy are less present in digital interactions.

Signs That Your Child May Be Experiencing Cyberbullying

Children who are being cyberbullied often do not tell their parents, either because they fear the response (particularly that devices will be confiscated), because they feel ashamed, or because they are not sure the behaviour counts as bullying. Parents should watch for:

• Distress during or after device use: upset, angry, or withdrawn after being on a phone or computer
• Avoidance of devices, particularly if they previously spent a lot of time on them, or conversely, compulsive checking of devices accompanied by anxiety
• Reluctance to discuss online activities or who they are communicating with
• Unexplained withdrawal from social activities, friends, or previously enjoyed activities
• Changes in mood, sleep, or appetite
• Declining school performance
• Reluctance to attend school, with vague or changing reasons
• Expressions of hopelessness or comments suggesting they wish they were not around

The last of these requires immediate attention. If your child makes any statement suggesting they are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, treat it seriously and seek professional help without delay.

How to Respond If Your Child Is Being Cyberbullied

Your initial response when your child discloses cyberbullying is critically important. The most common parental reactions that prevent children from disclosing cyberbullying are a fear that devices will be taken away, and a worry that parents will overreact. Respond calmly and with empathy, and resist the immediate impulse to take devices or contact the other child's parents directly, at least until you have a complete picture.

Listen First

Thank your child for telling you, and listen to the full account before responding. Ask open questions to understand what has happened, over what period, and who is involved. Validate how they are feeling without dramatising: this sounds really hard, and I am glad you told me.

Document Before Removing

Before blocking or deleting anything, take screenshots of the bullying content. This documentation may be needed by the school or, in serious cases, by police. Note usernames, dates, and the platform involved.

Block and Report

Show your child how to block the person or account involved, and report the content and behaviour to the platform. All major social media platforms and messaging services have reporting mechanisms for bullying and harassment, and are required to respond to reports that violate their terms of service. This is not guaranteed to resolve the situation, but it is an important step.

Involve the School

If the bullying involves classmates, the school should be informed even if the bullying is entirely taking place outside school hours. Schools in most countries have legal and ethical responsibilities around bullying and can take action that addresses the situation within the school community. Bring your documentation to any school meeting.

Support Your Child

Be actively present and available during this time. Keep communication open, check in regularly, and ensure your child does not feel alone in dealing with this. In some cases, taking a deliberate break from the platform where the bullying is occurring is helpful: this is different from permanent confiscation and can give the child relief from constant exposure to the content.

If your child's distress is significant or persistent, consider whether they would benefit from speaking to a professional. A therapist or counsellor who works with young people can provide a space to process what has happened and build resilience.

If Your Child Is the One Bullying Online

Discovering that your child is bullying others online is deeply uncomfortable, but it is an important opportunity for intervention. Children who engage in cyberbullying are not beyond help, and how parents respond to this discovery significantly influences the outcome.

Respond with firmness without rage. Shouting or immediate harsh punishment typically leads to defensiveness rather than reflection. Make clear that the behaviour is completely unacceptable and has caused real harm to another person. Ask your child to explain what they were thinking and feeling, and listen to the answer: understanding the motivation is important for addressing the root cause.

Ensure your child understands the impact of their behaviour on the target. Perspective-taking, how would you feel if someone did this to you, is not always effective with adolescents, but more concrete ways of illustrating impact, such as showing them how quickly content spreads online, can help.

Consequences should be meaningful and connected to the behaviour rather than purely punitive. Working with the school and, where appropriate, making some form of amends, are more effective than simply removing devices without reflection.

Explore what might be driving the behaviour. Children who bully others are often struggling themselves: with social insecurity, with their own experience of being bullied or mistreated, or with difficult circumstances at home. Addressing these underlying factors is as important as addressing the behaviour itself.

Prevention: Building Digital Citizenship

The best protection against cyberbullying, both as a target and as a potential aggressor, is a strong foundation in digital citizenship. This means teaching children from an early age to treat others online with the same respect they would show in person, to think before posting, and to understand that online actions have real-world consequences for real people.

Regular, non-judgmental conversations about your child's online life, the same conversations you would have about their offline social world, make it much more likely that they will come to you if something goes wrong online. A child who knows their parent is interested, not just in monitoring them but in genuinely understanding their digital world, is better resourced to navigate it.