How to Support a Child Who Is Being Bullied: A Practical Guide for Parents

Understanding Bullying

Bullying is a sustained pattern of behaviour in which one person or group intentionally causes harm to another person who struggles to defend themselves. It can be physical, verbal, social or relational, and increasingly it occurs online, where it is referred to as cyberbullying. What distinguishes bullying from ordinary conflict is the element of repetition, the power imbalance, and the intent to harm.

Bullying is widespread globally. Studies across multiple countries suggest that between one in four and one in three children experience bullying at some point during their school years. The effects can be significant and lasting, including anxiety, depression, school avoidance, self-harm, and in severe cases, suicidal ideation. However, with the right support, most children who experience bullying recover well and develop greater resilience as a result.

Recognising the Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied

Children often do not tell their parents when they are being bullied. They may feel ashamed, fear that telling will make things worse, or worry about how their parents will react. This means that adults need to be alert to the signs.

Emotional and Behavioural Signs

• Becoming withdrawn, anxious, or tearful, particularly around school-related activities
• Reluctance or refusal to go to school
• Changes in mood after school or after being on their device (in the case of cyberbullying)
• Sleep disturbances, including difficulty falling asleep or nightmares
• Loss of interest in activities they previously enjoyed
• Increased irritability or aggression at home
• Regression to younger behaviours such as bed-wetting or clinging

Social Signs

• Wanting to avoid previously enjoyed social situations
• Coming home without the friends or social group they previously had
• Secretive or distressed behaviour around their phone or social media
• Mention of feeling left out or unwanted

Physical Signs

• Unexplained injuries
• Coming home hungry when they should have eaten at school (suggesting their food is being taken)
• Missing belongings or money
• Torn or damaged clothing

How to Talk to Your Child About Bullying

If you suspect your child is being bullied, how you approach the conversation matters enormously. A reaction of anger or shock, while understandable, can make your child feel responsible for your distress and less likely to continue opening up.

Create the Right Conditions

Choose a calm, private moment rather than asking directly in front of others. Some children find it easier to talk during low-key shared activities like driving, cooking, or a walk, where there is less direct eye contact and the conversation feels less confrontational.

Ask Open Questions

Rather than leading with direct questions about bullying, begin with open curiosity about their social life. Ask about their day, about who they spend time with, about what they enjoy and what feels hard. If they begin to share, follow their lead and listen without interrupting.

If you have specific concerns, you can ask gently: you have seemed a bit quiet lately, and I just wanted to check in to see if everything is alright with friends. Some children respond better to specific observations than to abstract questions.

Listen More Than You Speak

When your child begins to open up, resist the urge to jump immediately into problem-solving mode. Most children need to feel heard before they are ready to think about solutions. Reflect back what they have said. Validate their feelings. Thank them for trusting you.

Avoid These Common Mistakes

• Do not minimise: Responses like it is just kids being kids or you need to toughen up dismiss your child's experience and discourage future disclosures.
• Do not tell them to fight back: Physical retaliation rarely improves bullying situations and can result in the child who retaliates being punished.
• Do not immediately contact the other child's parents: This approach often escalates the situation and puts your child in a more difficult position.
• Do not promise to keep it secret: Addressing bullying usually requires involving the school or other adults, and promising secrecy you cannot keep damages trust.

Working With the School

Schools have both a legal and ethical responsibility to address bullying. Knowing how to engage effectively with the school increases the likelihood of a good outcome.

Document Everything

Before contacting the school, make a clear written record of what has happened: dates, incidents, who was involved, what your child told you, and any physical evidence such as screenshots of online messages. This record demonstrates that the situation is serious and ongoing, and provides the school with the information they need to investigate effectively.

Request a Meeting

Contact the school via email or telephone to request a meeting with your child's class teacher or form tutor. In the email or call, indicate that you want to discuss a bullying concern, but do not go into full detail at this stage. Save the detail for the meeting itself.

In the Meeting

• Present the documented evidence calmly
• Focus on the impact on your child rather than attacking the children who are bullying
• Ask about the school's anti-bullying policy and what the process is for investigating and addressing bullying
• Ask what you can expect to happen and over what timeframe
• Ask how the school will protect your child from retaliation while the situation is being addressed
• Request a follow-up meeting or update within a specific timeframe, such as two weeks

If the School Does Not Respond Adequately

If the school fails to take meaningful action, escalate through the appropriate channels. Depending on your country, this may include:

• Contacting the headteacher or principal
• Contacting the board of governors or school board
• Contacting the local education authority
• Seeking legal advice if the bullying constitutes harassment, assault, or discrimination

Keep a record of all communications with the school, including emails, the dates of meetings, and what was agreed.

Supporting Your Child's Wellbeing

While working to address the bullying externally, your child needs consistent support for their emotional wellbeing at home.

Maintain Routine

Stability and routine are protective factors for children experiencing stress. Where possible, keep daily rhythms consistent: mealtimes, bedtimes, and regular family activities provide a sense of normalcy that supports emotional regulation.

Build Positive Experiences

Ensure your child has regular positive experiences outside of school, including activities where they can succeed, socialise with different peer groups, and develop their identity and confidence. A child who has a strong sense of self outside of school is less dependent on any one social environment for their wellbeing.

Watch for Warning Signs of Serious Distress

Most children who experience bullying will struggle but will not reach a crisis point. However, be alert to warning signs that your child may be experiencing significant mental health difficulties:

• Expressing hopelessness or statements about not wanting to be here
• Self-harm
• Complete withdrawal from all social contact
• Significant changes in eating or sleeping
• Extreme anxiety or panic

If you observe any of these signs, contact your child's GP or a mental health professional promptly. In an emergency, call emergency services or go directly to your nearest accident and emergency department.

Consider Professional Support

Even for children who are managing, counselling or therapy from a trained professional can be enormously helpful. Speaking to someone outside the family gives children a safe space to process their experiences without worrying about their parents' feelings.

Cyberbullying Specifically

Cyberbullying presents particular challenges because it can follow a child into every area of their life, including their bedroom, and can involve wide audiences and permanent records in the form of screenshots and posts.

If your child is experiencing cyberbullying:

• Screenshot and save all evidence before blocking or reporting
• Report the content to the platform where it is occurring
• Block the accounts involved
• Contact the school if the people involved are fellow students
• Contact the police if the content constitutes harassment, threats, or sexual content involving a minor
• Resist the urge to respond to provocations, as engagement usually escalates the situation

Support your child in taking a break from the platform or platforms where bullying is occurring. Temporary distance from social media during an active bullying situation reduces ongoing distress and prevents the child from repeatedly encountering hurtful content.

Building Long-Term Resilience

Beyond addressing the immediate situation, there are things parents can do to build their child's long-term resilience to social difficulties.

• Help your child develop a strong sense of identity outside of peer relationships. Children who have clear interests, values, and strengths are less devastated when a social group rejects them.
• Maintain open communication. Children who feel genuinely heard and valued at home are better equipped to navigate social difficulties outside it.
• Teach assertiveness skills. Not aggression, but the ability to state clearly how they feel and what they will not accept, calmly and with confidence.
• Model healthy relationships. Children learn what relationships look like from the relationships they observe at home.
• Validate without catastrophising. Acknowledge that bullying is real and hurtful, while also communicating your confidence in your child's ability to get through it with your support.