Empowering Young Upstanders: Simple Scripts & Phrases for Elementary Kids to Safely Intervene in Bullying

Bullying can profoundly impact a child’s wellbeing, creating environments of fear and isolation. While adults work to prevent bullying, empowering children to become “upstanders” – those who safely challenge bullying behaviour – offers a powerful layer of protection and fosters a more compassionate community. Teaching elementary children effective, simple scripts for elementary kids bullying intervention equips them with the confidence and tools to speak up when they witness unkindness, making a tangible difference in their own lives and the lives of their peers.

Understanding the Upstander Role for Young Children

An upstander is someone who sees bullying happening and chooses to act, rather than remaining a passive bystander. For elementary-aged children (typically 5-11 years old), this role is crucial. Research by organisations like UNICEF indicates that children who are bullied often feel isolated, and peer intervention can significantly reduce the duration of bullying incidents. When a child intervenes, it sends a clear message that the behaviour is unacceptable and offers immediate support to the child being targeted.

Becoming an upstander is not about confrontation; it is about showing empathy and taking safe, constructive action. This could involve direct communication, distracting the bully, or seeking help from a trusted adult. By learning how to be an upstander, children develop essential social-emotional skills, including empathy, assertiveness, and problem-solving. This early development helps them navigate complex social situations throughout their lives. [INTERNAL: benefits of social-emotional learning]

Prioritising Safety: When and How to Intervene

The most important rule for any child witnessing bullying is to prioritise their own safety. Children should never put themselves in a situation where they might get hurt. Before intervening, children need to quickly assess the situation:

• Is it physical bullying? If so, getting an adult immediately is the safest and most effective action.
• Are there adults nearby? If a teacher or supervisor is within earshot, alerting them is the primary step.
• Does the child feel safe to speak up? If a child feels scared or intimidated by the bully, direct intervention is not appropriate.

“A child safety expert notes that children’s safety is paramount,” explains a HomeSafe Education child protection specialist. “We empower children to intervene, but always within the bounds of what is safe for them. Direct intervention should only occur if they feel secure and the situation is not physically threatening.”

Non-Verbal Cues and Indirect Intervention

Sometimes, a child can be an upstander without saying a single word or directly confronting the bully. These indirect actions are often very effective and safer for younger children:

• Standing near the child being bullied: Simply being present can sometimes deter a bully.
• Walking away with the child being bullied: Inviting the target to join another activity removes them from the situation.
• Making eye contact with the child being bullied: This communicates support and lets them know they are not alone.
• Getting an adult: This is always a strong and safe intervention, especially if the child feels uncomfortable speaking up directly.

Simple Scripts for Elementary Kids Bullying Intervention

These scripts are designed to be short, easy to remember, and empowering for elementary school children. They are categorised by the type of intervention and are best practised through role-play.

1. Direct, Gentle Confrontation (When Safe)

These phrases are best for non-physical bullying, such as name-calling or exclusion, and when the upstander feels confident and safe.

• For younger elementary children (5-7 years old):
  1. “Stop that. That’s not kind.”
  2. “Leave them alone.”
  3. “Hey! That’s not okay.”
• For older elementary children (8-11 years old):
  1. “That behaviour isn’t fair. Please stop.”
  2. “Everyone deserves to feel safe here. Let’s be respectful.”
  3. “I don’t like what you’re doing. Let’s find something else to do.”

2. Distraction Techniques

Distraction is a powerful way to de-escalate a situation without direct confrontation. It shifts the focus away from the bullying behaviour.

• For all elementary ages:
  1. “Hey, look! There’s [something interesting] over there!” (Point to something else)
  2. “Does anyone want to play [game]?” (Change the subject and invite others)
  3. “I think I left my [item] over here. Can you help me find it?” (Draw attention to another task)

3. Offering Support to the Victim

Sometimes, the most important intervention is to show kindness and solidarity to the child being targeted.

• For all elementary ages:
  1. (To the bullied child) “Are you okay? Do you want to come play with us?”
  2. (To the bullied child) “Don’t listen to them. You’re [positive quality, e.g., smart/funny/kind].”
  3. (To the bullied child) “Let’s go tell a teacher together.”

4. Seeking Adult Help (Essential for all types of bullying)

This is always a safe and responsible option, especially for physical bullying or when a child feels unsafe to intervene directly.

• For all elementary ages:
  1. “I need to tell a teacher what’s happening.”
  2. “This isn’t fair, I’m going to get help.”
  3. “Can you come with me to tell an adult?” (Inviting the bullied child or another peer)

Key Takeaway: Equipping elementary children with a repertoire of simple, age-appropriate scripts empowers them to safely and effectively intervene in bullying situations, fostering a more supportive and protective environment for everyone.

Practising Upstander Behaviour at Home and School

Learning these phrases is just the first step; children need opportunities to practise them in a safe environment. The Anti-Bullying Alliance consistently highlights the importance of role-playing.

Here are some ways to practise:

• Role-Playing Games: Use puppets, stuffed animals, or family members to act out different bullying scenarios. Encourage children to try out the different scripts.
• Storybooks: Read books that feature characters who stand up to bullying. Discuss what the characters did and what other options they had.
• “What If” Scenarios: Regularly discuss hypothetical situations: “What if you saw someone being left out?” or “What if someone called another child a mean name?”
• Positive Reinforcement: Praise and acknowledge children when they demonstrate upstander behaviour, even in small ways, in real life.
• Create a “Kindness Code”: Work together as a family or class to establish rules about how to treat others and what to do when those rules are broken. [INTERNAL: building empathy in children]

When to Get Adult Help: Essential for All Ages

It is vital to reinforce that getting adult help is always an appropriate and often necessary upstander action, not “telling tales.” Children must understand that some situations are too big or too dangerous for them to handle alone.

Teach children to seek help immediately if:

• The bullying involves physical harm or threats.
• The bullying is happening repeatedly.
• They feel scared or unsafe to intervene directly.
• They have tried to intervene, and it has not stopped the bullying.

Children should know who their trusted adults are: parents, teachers, school counsellors, librarians, coaches, or any adult they feel safe talking to. Reinforce that these adults are there to help and keep them safe.

What to Do Next

1. Discuss Upstander Roles: Have an open conversation with your child about what an upstander is and why it’s important to help others.
2. Practise Scripts Together: Use role-playing or puppets to rehearse the simple intervention phrases in various safe scenarios.
3. Identify Trusted Adults: Help your child list at least three trusted adults they can go to if they witness or experience bullying.
4. Read Together: Find and read age-appropriate books that feature characters demonstrating kindness and upstander behaviour.

Sources and Further Reading

• UNICEF: Ending Violence in Schools
• NSPCC: What is bullying?
• PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center
• Anti-Bullying Alliance (UK)